Problems Solving: The Underlying Cause of Most Problems

I'm in the business of solving problems. More specifically people problems. I look at the problems that people face in their personal lives and also some of the human problems that organizations face and try to identify common threads and causes. In doing this I often uncover new concepts and principles that cause much of the hassle that people have to deal with every day. Here's one such concept that is probably causing you hassle in your life, especially if you have trouble losing weight, giving up smoking or persuading someone around you to change their behavior.

The most annoying problems we tend to have involve battling with other people, but the most stubborn problems come from people's own battles with themselves. However there is a common thread that is at the root of both of these.

It comes down to something I wrote in The 32 Building Blocks of Happiness, when I was talking about the difficulty in making change stick, which is this line;

If you accept emotionally… intellectually its simple.

What I meant was, if emotionally you want to make a change then you will find the information easily to actually do it. However if you have the information to make a change, but aren't emotionally motivated to make the change, then you'll struggle.

Say someone wants to give up smoking or lose weight. When it is based on logical reasoning and information from maybe health service ads, it's not very effective because the emotional impact of the gain they get from their current behaviors is too powerful.

But when they get a heart attack scare, when someone they love won't kiss them because their breath stinks or if they think their Partner is going to leave them, then they suddenly become so motivated that the gain they once so much enjoyed now seems so minor that change is easy and lasting.

Change is easy and natural once you are sold on it emotionally. Think back, have you ever really, really wanted to buy something, but didn't have the money. Then because you so strongly desired the thing, you found a way to get it later?

Did you ever want to persuade someone to do something that they were dead set against, but because you were so motivated you found the way to change their mind?

You see emotion is many, many times more powerful and more resourceful than cold, hard facts. When I write, I often ask you to rack your brains and find your own examples, like I just did a minute ago, do you know why?

Because if I write to appeal to your logic and intellect you might nod your head and agree, but then walk away and forget about it. If you can connect it with things that have a strong emotional value, it has more chance of sinking in and making a difference to your behavior and so your life.

The key to success in any area of life is to work with fertile soil. Ask any Farmer what the key to bountiful crops and he won't say a shiny new Tractor or premium seeds. For what good would these be if the seeds were laid on concrete. The seeds will grow naturally when they are placed in an environment that nurtures them.

In just the same way, people blossom when they fit into their environment. Someone can be an abject failure in one set of circumstances and soar to success in another.

I recall listening to the late Gary Halbert and he asked this question.

“If I were to open a restaurant in a town with lots of competition, there's one thing thing I'd want to be able to beat everyone else. What is that one thing?”

And people would say things like, the best chef, the friendliest atmosphere, the best menu, the finest ingredients and so on. He'd say no you could have all these things and I'd still beat you. The only thing I'd want is...

a starving crowd.

A starving crowd to a restaurant is the same thing as fertile soil to the Farmer, which is the equivalent to an emotional craving in you. When you emotionally crave something without conflicting emotions nothing will stop you from finding a way of getting it.

So many people waste much of their lives judging or trying to change other people or their own behaviors when what they are doing is the equivalent of ploughing on concrete. Invest your time and attention on fertile soil, plant seeds where there is a craving for them.

Most businesses spend days crafting a perfectly scripted Mission Statement, but often they will act in ways that contradict their words. Because the mission statement comes from their intellect not their emotions. Then they will attempt to persuade their Employees to adopt their written mission by appealing to their intellect. They might as well plant seeds on concrete.

Husbands, Wives and Children across the world live with the daily frustrations of wanting the one or the other to do this or that. They nag, they criticize, they reason, they shout, they throw tantrums, they throw things, they withhold giving, they cajole... and it makes little difference.

Across the Globe people are buying books, training programs, hiring Coaches, Consultant's and buying tools to get certain results. Only one thing determines success. The fertility of the soil.

People belittle and demean themselves and put others on a pedestal as Superhuman. She is the best. If He can't do it, no-one can. It's true that we all have different talents and some have a natural aptitude and experience which makes it easier for them. But it doesn't matter how great someone is. Even the best in every field sometimes fail. The difference between outstanding success and failure is the fertility of the field. And in Humans how fertile the field is, means how powerfully, emotionally you are invested in getting a certain result.

Nest time you want to persuade another to change, appeal more to their emotion. When you want to change take some time to get clear enough to become emotionally involved in the change and then use your logic to take away the barriers.